Sunday, July 23, 2006

Stoking up the rhetoric UN stylee

'UN Appalled by Beirut Devastation'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/5207478.stm

For those aficianados among us of UN terminology, we know that the word 'Appalled' is reserved only for the most extreme situations. But for the less genned up folks, I have provided here an easy guide to UN rhetoric.

Level 1
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought by black people: 'Slight concern', 'Could the warring parties please start discussing alternatives?', 'Rather unfortunate', 'we'll never send anybody to sort that out'

Level 2
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought by muslims against anybody else: 'Perhaps the warring parties might be better off using non-military means to solve their disputes', 'Its quite quite unfortunate', 'Please try not to kill any more Darfurians, Thais, Phillipinos, Kashmiris etc', 'peacekeeping troops? Why?'

Level 3
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought against muslims: 'Terrible injustice', 'making the Arab street angry', 'really very awful', 'we'll send peacekeepers as soon as we can persuade the US and Britain to send them'

Level 4
Wars that involve the US, Britain or Israel against non-muslims: 'neo-colonial warmongering', 'unilateralist world-domination attempts', 'utterly disgraceful','er, who wants to go be peacekeepers?'

Level 5 (the worst wars that can occur)
Wars that involve the US, Britain or Israel against muslims: 'Appalling', 'disproportionate', 'fueling the hatred that breeds terrorism', 'full blown colonialism', 'Bush more dangerous than Ahmedinajad', 'blood for oil', 'naked islamaphobia', 'Russia? China? Fancy some peacekeeping?'

Level 6 (ok, there are actually wars worse than level 5)
Wars that involve Israel against anybody: 'the Jews are the new Nazis', 'its definitely a holocaust against the Palis', 'they should be driven into the sea', 'totally disproportionate', 'must whip up a peacekeeping force in the next 20 minutes. You ALL want to help out? Wow!'

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