'UN Appalled by Beirut Devastation'
For those aficianados among us of UN terminology, we know that the word 'Appalled' is reserved only for the most extreme situations. But for the less genned up folks, I have provided here an easy guide to UN rhetoric.
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought by black people: 'Slight concern', 'Could the warring parties please start discussing alternatives?', 'Rather unfortunate', 'we'll never send anybody to sort that out'
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought by muslims against anybody else: 'Perhaps the warring parties might be better off using non-military means to solve their disputes', 'Its quite quite unfortunate', 'Please try not to kill any more Darfurians, Thais, Phillipinos, Kashmiris etc', 'peacekeeping troops? Why?'
Wars that don't involve the US, Britain or Israel fought against muslims: 'Terrible injustice', 'making the Arab street angry', 'really very awful', 'we'll send peacekeepers as soon as we can persuade the US and Britain to send them'
Wars that involve the US, Britain or Israel against non-muslims: 'neo-colonial warmongering', 'unilateralist world-domination attempts', 'utterly disgraceful','er, who wants to go be peacekeepers?'
Level 5 (the worst wars that can occur)
Wars that involve the US, Britain or Israel against muslims: 'Appalling', 'disproportionate', 'fueling the hatred that breeds terrorism', 'full blown colonialism', 'Bush more dangerous than Ahmedinajad', 'blood for oil', 'naked islamaphobia', 'Russia? China? Fancy some peacekeeping?'
Level 6 (ok, there are actually wars worse than level 5)
Wars that involve Israel against anybody: 'the Jews are the new Nazis', 'its definitely a holocaust against the Palis', 'they should be driven into the sea', 'totally disproportionate', 'must whip up a peacekeeping force in the next 20 minutes. You ALL want to help out? Wow!'